I wasn’t aware there was such a thing as fake music. Terrible music, yes, but I never knew about fake music.
Mind blowing.
(Source: esseule)
Client: “I want this marketing campaign we ran in the 80’s as our homepage. One of our old groomers drew it up. It’s kooky and retro.”
Me: “Oh!… Uh….Oh, I can’t put this up.”
Client: “Why not? Is it because it has a Chinaman on it?”
Me: “A Chinese man. A caricature of a Chinese man chasing a dog with a knife and fork, yelling ‘ME SORRY’…”
Client: “Are we not still laughing at that stuff?”
Every time I watched Walking Dead I thought that I would get myself two things in that situation: a suit of armor and a boat.
(Source: thats-so-meme, via the-absolute-funniest-posts)
Is this from that new movie coming out? I was like “Omg I need to see that” and my dad laughed and said “It’s rated R, nice try” and I said “You sat and watched The Hangover with me.”
(Source: weheartit.com, via the-absolute-funniest-posts)
And then there’s this.
no, no… why is this book happening…
GUYS THERE’S SOMETHING IN MY VAGINA AND IT IS NOT A DICK
I THINK IT MAY BE SATAN
CALL GHOST BUSTERS
OR A GYNECOLOGIST
WHAT DO YOU MEAN GHOST BUSTERS CAN’T LOOK INTO MY VAGINA
WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY GYNECOLOGIST CAN’T PERFORM AN EXORCISM
No, it only gets worse with the bio on amazon:
“It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead…
Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy’s pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.
When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return… especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy’s legs.”…And the fact it has mainly 5 stars on amazon.
My favourite part of the synopsis:
She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal.
I’m just imagining this girl shrugging and being like “Eh. Haunted vagina. You know, the usual.”
Also, THE TITLE IS THE HAUNTED VAGINA
THAT IS LITERALLY THE TITLE OF THIS NOVELFrom the author of “Apeshit”.
THIS
SOUNDS LIKE MY KIND OF BOOK
I want this book so I can read it in public
i know who would be perfect for this job
Sam’s dick is already practically a death sentence. Maybe this is his girl.
Also
this again
okay once I turn 18 and have my own credit card I’m fucking buying this
For my friends. You know who you are.
I have not smiled this much in a long long time.
(via coconutduckbaby)
